I was waiting all day on Paige to see how she was doing, she had informed me on Wednesday that she was unwell and didn't feel she would be up to performing, this happens of course, and her health is the most important thing. By about 4pm it be clear that there was no way she could attend, even as facilitator so I had a decision to make - cancel the performance, or take Paige's place myself. I opted for the latter. I have done it before, in slightly different circumstances, and it would take a bit of management of the audience, but I felt confident enough to give it a go.
And so, to focus on my performance as a live model firstly, it was a wonderful experience. I felt every single touch, and mindfully tried to linger on each one. I felt completely vulnerable, almost shaking at times, but I found it enjoyable. and I could sense the kind touches from people, who tried to give me a nice sensation, and I could enjoy these too. The almost massaging of my feet, legs and head, the sensuous, almost erotic touch on my erogenous zones, the tingles created all over my body. I achieved full sensory response and found the experience beautiful.
The challenge was trying to organise, and flip into the role of a model (after having to exclude 2 people who did not bring ID). But once the formalities were out of the way, the instructions given and my alarms and triggers set, I slid into it fine. It's not perfect, but it was better than the alternative. The Q&A - we could have gone on all night. I think 12 of the audience stayed for an hour afterwards as we delved into the discussion. The main talking points seemed to focus on four main areas;
Inappropriate behaviour
Specifically, what protocols did we have, what safeguards are in place for the performers, have we ever had to halt a performance? In short, people have been very respectful of our bodies thus far. My message to every group is to touch the models only as you would wish to be touched seems to land. There has been nothing we would regard as 'inappropriate' to date. Of course we take a copy of ID from each participant, this at least ensures we know who everyone is, and should we need to make contact with the authorities afterwards we have the information required. I know this is not perfect and still leaves a degree of risk, but it's a risk we are willing to carry as a group.
Sexual arousal
There was a significant part of the discussion related to this, and it does come up a lot about the piece, doed the female model get aroused/what happens if the male model gets an erection/how are you supposed to feel as an audience member? Personally, I think there is an erotic element to the piece, I am quite a sexual person and embrace such feelings, I have found working with Paige and Daniel to be exciting at times as we have created and developed the piece. That said, I did not reach anything close to full arousal tonight, perhaps it is different in a room full of people, I was touched in the correct places, very sensuously at times, but something held me back. Perhaps with more performances I could achieve this, I am not adverse to it. Daniel does have a different view, and from a male perspective I realise the erection situation can become problematic, not only for him but for audience members. He has admitted it can be arousing and having the need to try to stifle any oncoming erection, but he says it does seem to get easier with each performance. There is some comments from the room about finding it arousing, several of our group openly admit to being sexually turned on by the performance they have just been invilved in. They suggest there is a juxtaposition almost with the male model openly displaying he is unaroused, it creates more questions for them, should they be comfortable experiencing such reactions. I think this discussion could have gone on all night.
Family/Friends/Partners?
It was asked of us if our families/close friends/partners even were aware of the piece and if they supported us in performing, had any even attended one of the sessions? A few of my close friends have been in attendance however I realise this was my first night taking part as a model. One of my oldest friends is in the room and I catch her eye, inviting her response to this who gets a laugh by suggesting she has seen everything before, and more! I answer on behalf of Paige whose partner attended the first session, now I don't profess to know the ins and outs of their relationship, but from where I was she seemed to enjoy seeing Paige in such a setting. Daniel has a similar take, he remarks that his girlfriend was due to attend tonight but had a last minute emergency with work. He says she is looking forward to seeing him perform and that she is also an artist and model and so has experience with nudity in the context of art. He does however concede his parents and brother are unaware of the piece, and he would almost certainly feel uncomfrotable should they attend any future sessions.
Anonymity
We are challenged on my decision to avoid normal channels of press and social media (I hate it!) and wether it is our intention to remain almost anonymous with the piece. Daniel and I (and speaking on behalf of Paige too) acknowledge we may have used different names in the past for performances and that our professional lives may not necessarily corelate to the personas we have in our company. I talk a bit about some negative experiences previously, trying to get across why I am hesitant and also realistic about how much we can share with the wider community. I accept Under our Clothes, like much of my work, is not for everyone.
