What it feels like for a girl (Paige)

This is my second collaboration with Lucy, but the first involving an immersive, performance art piece. When she first described her idea for the concept to me it was exciting but also daunting. To put myself in the position of actually being naked and being touched by a group of strangers filled me with both fear and delight. 

Rehearsing, or practising is maybe a better word, with just Lucy and Daniel has been great. I enjoy working with both of them so much, and we have developed a lot of trust together. We spent many hours becoming very intimately aware of each other, Lucy developing the piece through different props and fabrics, Daniel and I just laying back and trying to absorb as much of the stimulation as we could.Yes, if I'm honest, doing this in our small group was a joy for me. 

The first time doing it with an audience was terrifying. I thought it may have been more median but fear certainly won over delight in that first session. That said, the thrill and sense of accomplishment I felt at the end was incredible. During our rehearsing I had reached full brain tingling and even physical arousal at times, it's such a sensuous piece that it can do that to you, and hearing the reaction of some of the audience, they seemed to feel this way. But performing it I didn't seem to allow myself to get to those places, something stopped and I don't know what, I was on edge throughout the whole performance. It's something I hope I can become the master of, I want to feel all the good things about the piece whilst it's in flight. 

What struck me most about the audience was the tentativeness that gradually gave way to eagerness, it was quite interesting from a psychological viewpoint. I spent the first 10 -15 minutes seemingly just having my feet played with, certainly this was the majority of my interactions. I guess they are the far extreme of the body, like it must have seemed ok for the group to touch my feet and lower legs, like that was not invading my personal space! (and I usually hate people touching my feet!) But as the hour went on more and more people focused on my top half. I had some lovely sensual touching on my forehead and across my shoulders. And some did even use some of the props on my breasts, this was a weird feeling, like it was almost foreplay but I just knew instinctively that it wasn't. 

I can't want to do more performances and see how I develop with the piece, if I can get lost in it, if I can find my ASMR responses, it would be beautiful to feel that as part of a group. I'm not as scared approaching the second performance, I think I'm comfortable with how the group will react and how Lucy will manage and direct, so I do expect to enjoy it more this time.